its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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