Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His nipple licking is glorious
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