Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
