You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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