i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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