OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
