you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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