walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
porn star boner night. come get it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
