6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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