I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
