sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
