my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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