It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
