The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
