you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
