I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
