We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
