The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Less talking, more tequila
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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