the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
