Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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