i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
