Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
