just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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