Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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