hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
