its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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