I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
