so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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