In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
