the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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