i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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