the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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