I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
