mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
