Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
