Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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