Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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