whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
