Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
