I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
