I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
