I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
