This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
