My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
