Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
