Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
