the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
