Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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