Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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