I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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